Relationship Revolution-Successful Communication Made Simple Series

Why doesn’t the Truth Seem Simple?

Maybe it is a radical idea but I believe that the Truth IS Simple, but unfortunately it tends to get mired in the muck of not knowing our deeper selves, or having the ability to understand what our feelings really mean and even more relevant is that we surround ourselves in thinking about should’s and shouldn’ts, right and wrong, bad and good and we end up in a whirl of confusion not being clear with anyone who we really are. When I was being completely honest and sharing my simple truth with someone the other day I actually found myself apologizing and he said “how great that you are honest, as honesty is the first casualty of polite society” which hit me deep in my heart as such a fundamental truth.

Honesty can often be the first casualty in so many relationships and when I say honesty I mean our authentic truth, the parts we hide or are scared to share. We can compromise ourselves in many small and large ways so often that we sometimes are not even aware of doing it. I do wonder what makes us think that it is somehow the right way to be in relationship if we are not first honest about who we are, what we think, how we feel and express what we need. The impact is devastating for ourselves and on our relationships if we are constantly compromising our authenticity to live a social norm or live in relationships that are unfulfilling and lack expression of our truest selves.

“IF YOU AVOID CONFLICT TO KEEP THE PEACE YOU START A WAR WITHIN YOURSELF” Marianne Williamson

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My hope is that we are moving to a new way of being on this planet with conscious decisions to embrace diversity and differences and we have made strides in a lot of areas. What concerns me is the silent rules of relationship, where couples live less than optimal relationships because of fear: Fear of revealing their truest nature because they won’t be accepted, fear of conflict & change, fear of being honest in so many large and small ways. But
what is the cost of “keeping the peace at all costs” and what is the fallout of living a compromised life? Well as Marianne Williamson says so eloquently “we will start a war within ourselves”

What makes us leave being honest until it is such a dramatic event that everyone is shocked because they had no idea? What makes people live so small and not share their hopes, dreams, fears, truth, beliefs, sexuality with the people they spend their lives with and call that love? I don’t believe that is real love. How can we call it love if people in our lives don’t know the real us? These are our shadows at work and our fears. When Einstein said we need to resolve issues 6 layers below where they present themselves he meant that we have to search for the truth, uncover what the deeper meanings are separate from all our should’s and shouldn’ts, artificial imperatives, societies silent rules and unearth the hidden aspects of ourselves that speak the truth.

Shadows are the aspects of ourselves we are scared to share with the world because we are afraid if we shared our truth people will judge us, not love us, criticize and reject us-Mheyah Bailey. We can only live authentically and honestly if we have accepted all parts of ourselves, even the parts that we ourselves judge, and are judged by others. We all have shadows which don’t fit our accepted idea of who we are, or who we think we should be or feel we have to be to fit into our relationships. It is exhausting just writing about it.

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Trying to live a life holding back parts of ourselves is like trying to hold a workout ball under water; exhausting and impossible. That workout ball you are trying so hard to keep submerged, is so not submergible and neither is your authentic self. At some point your true self cannot be held back and your real self will explode brilliantly all over your life. Would it not be better that we learn as children to accept all aspects of ourselves, to embrace our differences and diversity and not misshapen ourselves to fit a mould that isn’t our mould to fit?

How simpler would life be for everyone if we did not try to fit into polite society and allow honesty to be the first casualty. It may be another radical idea but I would like to suggest that the world needs your authentic self and that our relationships would thrive if we all spoke the simple truth and learned how to communicate giving and receiving in respectful honest & compassionate ways.

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“Communication is the single most important part of creating a healthy relationship. A relationship without communication is like a beautiful flower without water and sunlight, it will quickly wither and die. I don’t care if you think what you have to say is hurtful or you are afraid of expressing yourself, speak your Truth. Be kind, but speak up and be honest. It’s easy to communicate when it’s good news and happy times, but it takes a truly authentic and courageous person to communicate openly and honestly when darkness falls on a relationship.”– Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath.